A log of articles I found for later reading. ...................................................... ..............................Not necessarily my point of view though.

Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Defining Success: If you don't know what you want, you won't know when you've gotten it

When it comes to your life, what do you want? How does your money fit into that?Success

If you can't answer these two questions, you won't ever know when you've been successful. In fact, it might be worse than that: you might achive what you thought you wanted, or what all of your friends want, and suddenly realize that it doesn't satisfy. In order to make sure you're going the right direction for you, it's important to figure out what you want from your life (to find your definition of "success").

Why it Works

We're all going after something. That's part of being alive. As long as we're living and acting, we are headed towards something. Even if we don't want to live, we're going towards our goal (yes, death is a goal!). Our lives are going somewhere. We're caught up in the stream of living and we'll end up somewhere.

Luckily for us, we have some say about where we can end up. Sure, we all die in the end, but we have the abilitiy to decide what is important and make choices towards that end. If you're saying, "Sure, Sarah, we all know that. Make this entry worth reading, already!" then tell me what you're living for. Go ahead, tell me what your life's goal is. Tell me why you're on this earth and how all the different parts of your life fit into that.

If you can do that, you're ahead of most of us. Deciding what we want, what we're about, takes a lifetime of deliberate, focused introspection. But we can figure out different parts of this whole at different times in our lives, and we can live deliberately towards them.

How it Works

If you're not sure how to get started in this process, here is a process that helps.

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper. In 10 minutes, list as many things as possible that you have not done, that you would regret not doing if you died tonight. To the best of your ability, don't stop writing and don't censor or even think too hard about anything. Just write. You might find some crazy things coming out the end of your pen, and that's ok. Let them be.

2. Read your list. Notice any internal reactions you have to different items on the list. Note these in the margins next to your list so you can remember them later.

3. Step away from the project for 3-7 days, except to read your list once a day. This lets the list percolate in your mind. Often, writing down our desires brings to the forefront things that we haven't thought about in a while, or voices things we avoid voicing any other time. It can take us a few days to become accustomed to these thngs being a reality in our lives. We learn to accept, "Yes, I am the person whose life won't feel complete if I never help the refugees in Darfur," or, "Yup, I'm the busy entrepreneur who really wants a desk job so I can spend more time with my kids before they leave home."

4. Come back to the project and read the list again. Note any internal reactions that have changed as you let the ideas percolate.

5. Start pulling the different items on your list together and write a statement that encompasses what you're about. In the beginning, this can be a list of more general cateogories that cover all of the items on your list. For instance, my list would containg such items as "helping people grow" and "working with groups to help them better understand and support each other." My larger category might be, "working with people, as individuals and in groups, to help them better understand and support the growing process in themselves and others. Eventually, this statement will be less like a list and more like a sentence or two, but the list is fine to start.

6. Write down and commit to one step you can take this week! today! right now! to help move your life more in line with your statement. Make sure that this is small enough to be achievable and is something you can maintain.

7. Repeat stps 3-6 until you have a statement that feels right. Most people know when they've hit on the one that's right for them. It moves many to tears, but some also feel joy or peace when they find it. Continue with the small goals until your life looks like what you want it to be.

8. Live the life you've designed. Achieve your definition of success.

 

via http://www.wisebread.com/defining-success-if-you-dont-know-what-you-want-you-wont-know-when-youve-gotten-it

Fix the top 6 causes of clutter

If you're ready to make a clean sweep of your house, help is here. Experts share the six main reasons why people can't seem to let go of their stuff and their smartest tricks for outwitting that primal hoarding instinct. Prepare to clear out -- for good!

Fix the top 6 causes of clutter

The obstacle: 'If I get rid of this wedding vase, I'll feel guilty'

The solution: People feel a responsibility to be good stewards of things, says Randy Frost, a professor of psychology at Smith College, in Northampton, Massachusetts, and a coauthor of "Buried in Treasures" (Oxford University Press). Especially items they've been given by or inherited from a loved one. Getting rid of a present feels like disrespecting the giver. But remember the true meaning of gifts.

"When you receive a present," says Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, an interior designer in New York City and the founder of ApartmentTherapy.com, "your duty is to receive it and thank the giver -- not to keep the gift forever."

That goes for items you inherit. "Ask yourself, 'How many things do I really need to honor this person's memory?'" says Frost. Select a few objects with strong associations to your late grandmother, say, and keep them in places where you'll see them. Let the rest go to people who want them more than you do.

Likewise, don't be shy about admitting a mistake you made and moving on. The $120 pair of heels you bought last spring that pinch? Cut yourself some slack and give them away. Real Simple: How to Donate Old Clothes

A look at your love-hate relationship with the possessions that surround you, and how to overcome them

The obstacle: 'But I might need seven sleeping bags one day'

The solution: Everyone fears tossing something out only to realize -- six months, a year, or five years down the road -- that she shouldn't have. Keeping things around "just in case" makes people feel safe.

If your main problem is an overflowing closet, try the "packing for a trip" trick. It goes like this: You're packing for a month's vacation -- you'll need both dressy and casual clothes, for warm and cool weather, and you can fill two big suitcases.

Then take all the other things and place them on a rack in your basement or attic. If you want to wear any of those exiled clothes in the coming days, grab them. But as the months go by, you'll be shocked at how few of those clothes you need or even think about. From there, it's a baby step to a Goodwill bag.

Still have separation anxiety? Box up the stuff you're not quite able to part with and write on the outside, open six months later. Then tuck it away in your basement, attic, or storage facility. If a year from now you find that you didn't miss the items, it will be much easier to part with them.

The obstacle: 'I think this brooch/chair/ugly knickknack might be valuable again'

The solution: When you hear the appraisers on "Antiques Roadshow" say that someone's grandmother's old Bakelite bracelets would now fetch $500, it's easy to wonder whether your vintage piece might be worth a bundle. Stop guessing and find out what the item in question is truly worth.

Take a 10-minute spin on eBay, searching for an item similar to yours. (Click on "Advanced Search," then "Completed Listings Only.") If the sale prices look promising -- or if you can't find equivalent items -- consider having the item appraised by an expert. Many local auction houses will do this for free in the hopes that you will sell the item through them later. (Google "auctions" and your city to find an auction house near you.)

For the greatest certainty, hire an independent appraiser through the American Society of Appraisers or the Appraisers Association of America. Be sure to ask for an estimate first. Real Simple: How to sell old clothes online

Remember -- for something to be considered valuable, it must be in tip-top shape. "People think their old baseball cards or "National Geographics" are worth money," says professional organizer Caitlin Shear. "But that's true only if they're packaged in a Mylar sleeve and in pristine condition."

The obstacle: 'If I put the bills away, I'll never pay them on time'

The solution: Many clutterers have gotten into the habit of organizing their world visually and spatially, says professor Randy Frost. They're afraid that if they put stuff away, they won't remember it, because they won't see it. "But it's a perception of order," he says, "not real order."

You may initially recall that the electric bill is next to the potted plant on the kitchen counter, but it will soon be buried by other items you need to have in plain sight, too, like invitations and permission slips.

Even hard-core clutterers can train themselves to complete tasks without obvious visual cues, says Frost. For starters, if you're used to leaving things in piles, designate a logical home for every object. Set up automatic e-mail reminders to help you remember to pay bills. In addition, if you feel as if out of sight is out of mind, make transparency your friend. Take items destined for closets, the garage, or the basement and store them in clear plastic bins so you can always see what's there. Real Simple: Where to keep important documents

The obstacle: 'I want this chartreuse muumuu to go to a good home'

The solution: People often want to find just the right place for their belongings. The problem is, trying to find just the right place can be paralyzing, says interior designer Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan. And while you wait, say, for your niece to move into a starter apartment, your old love seat and dinette set gather dust.

To satisfy your desire for perfect placement, look for a charity with which you feel a strong connection -- perhaps a shelter for women. To identify a worthy one near you, visit charitynavigator.org, a nonprofit research group that evaluates charities based on how effectively they use donations. Go to the Advanced Search page, select "Human Services" charities, and type in your ZIP code. Contact the three- or four-star charities that interest you and ask if they accept donations.

If that sounds like too much trouble, call your nearest house of worship and inquire whether it has a clothing drive coming up. Ask if the donation is tax-deductible, and get a receipt.

The obstacle: 'I want to declutter, but I can't get motivated'

The solution: This may be due to a phenomenon known as delayed discounting, says Daniel Hommer, M.D., chief of brain imaging at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, in Bethesda, Maryland, and an expert on motivation. It works like this: If it takes a long time to reach a goal, you value that goal less than if you could reach it quickly -- making it harder to get started. Make projects small and rewards immediate, says Hommer.

After you organize a distinct area, dress it up -- add decorative paper to the bottom of a now spartan toiletry drawer, for instance. Keep at it and your home will become not only more orderly but also more beautiful.

via http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/homestyle/01/20/rs.top.causes.of.clutter/index.html

Success Is In Your Limitations

Limits are something that we all deal with. Because of restrictions placed upon us, we are all limited in the choices that we have. As we grow and expand, our options tend to increase proportionally. One easy way to change your life is to overcome the limitations which are presently holding you back.
Freedom is something that I hold as one of my highest values. I believe that for one to fully be in control of his or her life, this has to be something that one strives for. Freedom has many different levels to it and it starts with the inherent right to pursue those objectives which will make you happy. This can include career, family, relationships, and hobbies. Unlike many parts of the world, we have the freedom to choose most aspects of our life. Sadly, few actually exercise this choice.
The greatest limitation that exists is the ones that we put upon ourselves. People's favorite saying appears to be "I can't". They hold grand ideas yet are stopped by the "I can'ts" in their minds. It reminds me of the old prayer "God, please release me from the bondage of self". This is a tall order for everyone.
Success starts in our minds. It is our mindset that begins the path to achievement. Without a top-notch outlook, we are apt to believe the lies we tell ourselves. The bondage of self can take over at any moment.
We live in a reality that includes time and space. There are physical constraints that are impossible to overcome. For example, it is physically impossible for me to be in two different cities are one time. Nevertheless, that limitation is overcome through the use of technology. Thus, I can have my image transmitted to as many different locations as I want. My success is determined by how well I overcome this limitation.
There is always something that we can do to expand the choices we have. Another example is the physical health of an individual. Suppose we take a person who is 150 pounds overweight. What are some of the ailments of that individual? Perhaps shortness of breath, fatigue, lack of stamina, etc... Now, consider how that affects his/her relationship with children. Obviously, the interaction is limited by the physical shortcomings.
Taking this a bit further, how do you think the situation would change if that person lost the 150 pounds? Naturally, the interaction (relationship) with his/her children would be different. Without the fatigue and shortness of breath, that person could play a game of tag or go for walks with them. The increase in energy would allow for more interaction.
As you can see, the overcoming of this physical limitation opened other avenues for this person. The same is true for your life. Whenever we overcome something that limits us, we experience the freedom of being able to do more.
So, what is presently limiting you? In other words, what is keeping you from your success? Get the answers to these questions and you will have a list of things that need your attention. It is that basic. There is nothing that cannot be gained by overcoming the limiting factor which is holding you back.

via http://dennisharting.blogspot.com/2009/01/success-is-in-your-limitations.html

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Procrastinating Again? How to Kick the Habit

Key Concepts
  • Almost everyone occasionally procrastinates, but a worrisome 15 to 20 percent of adults routinely put off activities that would be better accomplished right away.
  • A penchant for postponement carries a financial penalty, endangers health, harms relationships and ends careers. And yet perpetual foot-draggers sometimes benefit emotionally from their tactics, which support the human inclination to avoid the disagreeable.
  • Research into the reasons people put off projects has led to strategies for helping all of us get and stay on task.

 

Raymond, a high-powered attorney, habitually put off returning important business calls and penning legal briefs, behaviors that seriously threatened his career. Raymond (not his real name) sought help from clinical psychologist William Knaus, who practices in Longmeadow, Mass. As a first step, Knaus gave Raymond a two-page synopsis of procrastination and asked him to read it “and see if the description applied.” Raymond agreed to do so on a flight to Europe. Instead he watched a movie. He next vowed to read it the first night at his hotel, but he fell asleep early. After that, each day brought something more compelling to do. In the end, Knaus calculated that the lawyer had spent 40 hours delaying a task that would have taken about two minutes to complete.

Almost everyone occasionally procrastinates, which University of Calgary economist Piers Steel defines as voluntarily delaying an intended course of action despite expecting to be worse off for the delay. But like Raymond, a worrisome 15 to 20 percent of adults, the “mañana procrastinators,” routinely put off activities that would be better accomplished ASAP. And according to a 2007 meta-analysis by Steel, procrastination plagues a whopping 80 to 95 percent of college students, whose packed academic schedules and frat-party-style distractions put them at particular risk.

Procrastination does not mean deliberately scheduling less critical tasks for later time slots. The term is more apt when a person fails to adhere to that logic and ends up putting off the tasks of greater importance or urgency. That is, if just thinking about tomorrow’s job pricks the hair on the back of your neck or compels you to do something more trivial, you are probably procrastinating.

A penchant for postponement takes its toll. Procrastination carries a financial penalty, endangers health, harms relationships and ends careers. “Procrastination undermines well-being on a wide scale,” notes psychologist Timothy A. Pychyl, director of the Procrastination Research Group at Carleton University in Ottawa. Nevertheless, recent work hints at potential upsides to this otherwise bad habit: perpetual foot-draggers seem to benefit emotionally from their trademark tactics, which support the human inclination to avoid the disagreeable.

Procrastination is learned, but certain hardwired personality traits increase the likelihood that a person will pick up the habit. “Procrastination is a dance between the brain and the situation,” Pychyl says. That nature-and-nurture view is part of a new line of research into the process and prevention of procrastination. Understanding why people put off projects has led to strategies for helping all of us get and stay on task.

Built-in Bias
Procrastination is as old as humans are. For people living in agrarian societies, a late-planted crop could mean starvation. Thus, our ancestors, including Greek poet Hesiod in 800 b.c., equated procrastination with sin or sloth. The industrial revolution may have facilitated the practice of putting off important jobs. Technical advance brings some protection from the forces of storms and famine as well as an increase in leisure time, in consumer goods and in the number of possible choices of activities. Contemporary society offers a surfeit of distractions, including computer games, television and electronic messaging—not to mention cars and planes to take us to more stuff to see and do—all enticing us to move off task.

Succumbing to such enticements can be costly. Experts estimate that 40 percent of people have experienced a financial loss because of procrastination, in some cases severe. In 2002 Americans overpaid $473 million in taxes as a result of rushing and consequent errors. And Americans’ dearth of retirement savings can be attributed, in part, to people putting off putting away cash.

Procrastination can also endanger health: after screening more than 19,800 people for high cholesterol, epidemiologist Cynthia Morris and her colleagues at the Oregon Health and Science University reported in 1990 that 35 percent of those who learned they had elevated cholesterol put off consulting a physician for at least five months. In 2006 psychologist Fuschia Sirois of the University of Windsor in Ontario reported in a study of 254 adults that procrastinators had higher stress levels and more acute health problems than did individuals who completed jobs in a timely manner. The procrastinators also received less frequent medical and dental checkups and had more household accidents, a result of putting off dull jobs such as changing smoke detector batteries.

Task aversiveness is one of the main external triggers for procrastination. Who puts off doing what she loves? According to Steel’s meta-analysis, half of the college students surveyed cited the nature of the task itself as the reason they put it off. Undoubtedly, few leap at the chance to write a dissertation about nematode reproduction or clean out the garage. “Procrastination is about not having projects in your life that really reflect your goals,” Pychyl says.

The amount of time before a project’s due date also influences the tendency to procrastinate. In particular, people are more likely to dawdle when the deadline is far away. The reason for this lies in a phenomenon known as temporal delay, which means the closer a person gets to a reward (or a feeling of accomplishment), the more valuable the reward seems and hence the less likely he is to put off performing the work needed to earn it. In other words, immediate gratification is more motivating than are prizes or accolades to be accrued in the distant future.

Such a preference may have a strong evolutionary basis. The future, for those in the Stone Age, was unpredictable at best. “Thus, there was truth to the saying ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,’ ” Pychyl says. “For survival, humans have brains with a procrastination bias built in.”

In 2004 neuroscientist Barry Richmond and his colleagues at the National Institute of Mental Health reported finding a biological basis for this bias. Richmond’s team first trained monkeys to release a lever whenever a spot on a computer screen turned from red to green. As the monkeys continued to correctly let go of the lever, a gray bar increased in brightness, letting the animals know they were getting closer to a reward, a juice treat. Like human procrastinators, the animals slacked off during early trials, making lots of errors. But when the juice reward came closer, the animals stayed on task and made fewer mistakes.

Richmond’s team hypothesized that the neurotransmitter dopamine, which transmits feelings of reward, might underlie this behavior. Working with Richmond, molecular geneticist Edward Ginns used a molecular decoy called DNA antisense to partially shut down production of a receptor for dopamine in a region of the monkeys’ brains called the rhinal cortex that associates visual cues with reward. The treatment diminished dopamine’s effects to the point that the monkeys could no longer predict when any given trial would earn them a juice treat. Thus, they hedged their bets, working hard all the time as if “they are always one trial away from the penultimate,” Richmond says.

But not all the monkeys with diminished dopamine responses behaved with the same intensity. Some remained mellow after the dopamine-depressing treatment, failing to put in much effort even as the time to reward narrowed. That observation speaks to individuality in procrastination: some of us are more prone to it than others.

Getting Personal
At the end of the 20th century, psychologists began studying the so-called big five personality traits that blend to describe any human being: conscientiousness, agreeableness, neuroticism, openness and extroversion. According to Steel, the extent to which a person displays each of these traits helps to determine that individual’s proclivity to procrastinate.

The characteristic most strongly linked to procrastination is conscientiousness—or lack thereof. A highly conscientious person is dutiful, organized and industrious. Therefore, someone who is not conscientious has a high probability of procrastinating. A person who is impulsive also is a procrastinator at risk. “People who are impulsive can’t shield one intention from another,” Pychyl says. So they are easily diverted by temptations—say, the offer of a beer—that crop up in the middle of a project such as writing a term paper.

Procrastination can also stem from anxiety, an offshoot of neuroticism. Procrastinators postpone getting started because of a fear of failure (I am so worried that I will bungle this assignment), the fear of ultimately making a mistake (I need to make sure the outcome will be perfect), and the fear of success (If I do well, people will expect more of me all the time. Therefore, I’ll put the assignment off until the last minute, do it poorly, and people won’t expect so much of me).

These personality traits, as well as less influential ones, play out in particular situations in conjunction with the environment. Researchers are now trying to capture that nature-nurture interaction to unify existing procrastination theories and to predict who is likely to procrastinate under what circumstances. Steel has derived a mathematical formula that defines “utility,” that is, how desirable a task is for an individual. To determine a task’s utility and therefore how likely a person is to do it right away, Steel puts together four basic factors, expectancy (E), value (V), the delay until reward or punishment (D), and personal sensitivity to delay (P), in the following equation:

U =  (E x V) / (P* x D)

When a person expects to succeed at or values a particular task, she is more likely to do it. Hence, a higher number for expectancy or value will increase utility. On the other hand, if a reward or punishment lies far in the future or a person is particularly “sensitive,” meaning distractible, impulsive or lacking in self-control, he is less likely to do the task, at least on time. Thus, sensitivity to delay and delay itself decrease the utility of a task and lead to procrastination.

Several scientists take issue with the idea that complex human behavior can be defined by a mathematical formula. “It leads you to believe that if I put numbers in there,” Pychyl says, “I could tell you what you will be doing next Friday.” Nevertheless, Steel’s equation is an initial attempt to unify various motivational and psychological theories of procrastination and to provide a framework for future research.

The Psychology of Delay
Instead of measuring personality traits and solving formulas, some researchers prefer to tease out the psychology behind the behavior. Two key elements in the urge to let projects slide are an uneasy feeling about an activity and a desire to avoid that discomfort. “A procrastinator says, ‘I feel lousy about a task,’” Pychyl explains, “and thus walks away to feel better.” Psychologist Joseph Ferrari of DePaul University has coined “avoidance procrastinator” to describe a person for whom avoidance is the prime motivator.

Another psychological driver is indecision. An “indecisive procrastinator” cannot make up her mind about executing a task. Say a woman intends to visit her mother in the hospital. Rather than simply grabbing the keys and heading out, the indecisive procrastinator starts debating whether to drive or to take the train. The train is a hassle, but parking is expensive and I’ll have to drive back at rush hour. But then again, the train will be packed, too. The internal debate continues until enough time passes that visiting hours are over.

A third oft-cited explanation for unreasonable delay is arousal. The “arousal procrastinator” swears that he works best under pressure, loving—perhaps needing—the rush of a last-minute deadline to get started. Such a person believes procrastinating affords a “peak” or “flow” experience, defined by psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi of the Drucker School of Management at Claremont Graduate University as being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. Time disappears. The ego dissolves.

But procrastination does not facilitate flow, according to social scientist Eunju Lee of Halla University in South Korea. In 2005 Lee reported surveying 262 students and finding that procrastinators tended to have fewer, not more, flow experiences. After all, a person must be able to let go of herself to “get lost” in an experience, and procrastinators are generally self-conscious individuals who have trouble doing that.

Nor is the thrill of a looming deadline an actual reason people put off uninviting jobs. Pychyl and his graduate student Kyle Simpson measured traits associated with arousal, including thrill seeking and extraversion, in students who often procrastinated. In Simpson’s unpublished doctoral thesis, Pychyl and Simpson show that neither of these qualities accounted for the dawdling the students reported. Thus, procrastinators are probably not really in need of arousal, Pychyl says, but use the belief I need the pressure of a last-minute deadline to justify dragging their feet, which they do for other reasons, such as circumventing unpleasantness.

Other procrastinators strategically delay projects to excuse poor performance, should it occur. They tell themselves or others, “I could have done better if I had started earlier.” Such a strategy might, in some cases, serve as a shield for a fragile ego.

Tricks of the Trade
Procrastination is not always so maladaptive. In a 2007 survey of 67 self-described procrastinators among college students, psychologist Gregory Schraw of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and his colleagues learned that these students found creative ways of making their bad habit work for them. For example, many students only took classes in which the professor offered a detailed syllabus rather than just a rough sketch of the assignments. Such specificity allowed for “planned” procrastination: the students could schedule how to delay their course work and thereby afford maximum time for more enticing activities.

To cope with the guilt and anxiety brought on by waiting until the last minute, some students acquired all the books for an assignment as soon as it was given and placed them on a shelf. The students said that by shelving the books they “shelved” their discomforting thoughts about the task. They also fended off guilt by telling themselves, “Hey, at least I got the books.” Then, 48 hours before the project was due, the procrastinator dusted off the books and bad feelings and worked in a frenzy to get the assignment done. As a result, the students did the maximum amount of work in a minimum amount of time—with a minimal amount of pain.

So although these students were still putting off the work longer than they should, they were nonetheless managing to finish their assignment while maintaining their sanity. Schraw emphasizes that his work is not meant to advocate procrastination but to point out that the practice can engender some useful survival skills such as tactical planning to complete a task in limited time and with a minimum amount of stress. “The moral of the story is that people procrastinate so they can lead a better mental life,” Schraw says.

Preventing Procrastination
Not all experts agree with Schraw. Indeed, Steel’s meta-analysis suggests that 95 percent of procrastinators would like to break the habit but cannot, because it has become automatic and ingrained. “Habits become nonconscious brain processes,” Pychyl says. “When procrastination becomes chronic, a person is, essentially, running on autopilot.”

Some experts suggest replacing the reflex to postpone with time-stamped prescriptions for action. Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer of New York University and the University of Konstanz in Germany advises creating “implementation intentions,” which specify where and when you will perform a specific behavior. So rather than setting a vague goal such as “I will get healthy,” set one with its implementation, including timing, built in—say, “I will go to the health club at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.”

Setting such specific prescriptions does appear to inhibit the tendency to procrastinate. In 2008 psychologist Shane Owens and his colleagues at Hofstra University demonstrated that procrastinators who formed implementation intentions were nearly eight times as likely to follow through on a commitment than were those who did not create them. “You have to make a specific commitment to a time and place at which to act beforehand,” Owens says. “That will make you more likely to follow through.”

Smart scheduling can also thwart procrastination. In an experiment published in 2002 Duke University behavioral economist Dan Ariely, then at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and marketing professor Klaus Wertenbroch of INSEAD, a business school with campuses in France and Singapore, asked students in an executive-education class to set their own deadlines for the three papers due that semester. Ariely and Wertenbroch set penalties for papers turned in after the self-imposed deadlines. Despite the penalties, 70 percent of the students chose deadlines spaced out over the semester, rather than clustering them all at the end. What is more, those who set the early deadlines scored better, on average, than did students in a comparable class in which Ariely set one due date for all three papers at the end of the semester. Such planning can buck any inclination to put off the work. “The deadlines made them better performers,” Ariely says.

More simply, Pychyl advises procrastinators to “just get started.” The anticipation of the task often is far worse than the task turns out to be. To demonstrate this fact, his group, in work that appeared in 2000, gave 45 students pagers and checked in with the volunteers 40 times over five days to query them about their moods and how often they were putting off a task that had a deadline. “We found that when students actually do the task they are avoiding, their perceptions of the task change significantly. Many times, they actually enjoyed it.”

In Raymond’s case, getting to the task was, indeed, the hard part. Knaus helped him to do that by first determining the reason for his instinct to delay: Raymond feared being tested on the synopsis and looking foolish. So Knaus asked him to pick the lesser of two evils, doing his work—and risking imperfection—or avoiding difficult tasks and losing his job. When Knaus put it that way, the lawyer was able to “just grind it out.” Instead of being fired, Raymond became a “superstar” at his firm.

 

via http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=procrastinating-again

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Caring for Your Introvert

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?

If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.

I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.

Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."

Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.

Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)

With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either.

via http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

The Power of Gradual

If you read Zen Habits with any regularity—and shame on you if you don’t—one thing should be perfectly clear: There are no quick fixes. Making change in your life takes time.

When you work at something day in and day out, you achieve huge positive change in your life. If you don’t stick to it, your results can be disappointing. No amount of “blitzing” a series of workouts, “cramming” for exams, or “crash dieting” will get you the results that the Power of Gradual can.

Try this as an experiment. Make a tap leak ever so slightly—maybe a drop every half minute or so. Put an empty bucket below it. Now, go on with your day. Forget about the tap. Actually, I don’t need to tell you to forget the tap. You just will. Sometime later, stroll by the bucket. Holy heck! There’s a lot of water in there. It might even be overflowing (the author will not be held responsible …). That’s the Power of Gradual. It’s the effect of a small thing happening over and over (and over) again.

Compound interest is all about the Power of Gradual. It turns out that there is a fairly easy way to accumulate a comparatively large amount of money. It’s slow, but it works. Put as much money as you can manage into a compound interest account. The earlier the better, so do it right now. Make regular deposits into the account. Don’t look at the account. Make the deposits automatic so you don’t have to think about it. Before you know it, it’s time to retire. Look at the account balance. Holy guacamole, you’re rich!

I see the Power of Gradual in my writing too. I write every working day for two hours or so. Sometimes, especially when I’m writing a first draft, the two hours feels wasted because I’ve been doing the literary equivalent of babbling. I return to the piece the next day and rework it. I rework it the next day. Sometimes I don’t even know where it’s going for a few days. All of “sudden”, it comes together. Of course, there’s no “sudden” about it. It’s the Power of Gradual.

The Power of Gradual works because, quite simply, little things add up to a big thing if you have enough little things. Given enough time, the steady drip-drop of water becomes an ocean. Given enough time, small regular deposits become a small fortune. Given enough time, steady work at my awful first drafts yields a passable final draft.

But here’s the thing. We tend to be surprised by the Power of Gradual. We’re shocked at the amount of water in the bucket, at the size of our bank account, at the beauty of our writing.

That’s because we pay a lot of attention to the immediate, the big, the splashy. Examples abound. We notice the person on television who apparently lost thirty pounds in three weeks. We pay less attention to our next-door neighbor. She’s been steadily losing three pounds per month for the last year and a half (54 pounds!). We weep at the death of our favorite actor or a recent airplane crash, but we are casually indifferent to the increasingly worrying news about the AIDS pandemic in Africa. We admire a beautiful sentence and forget the hours of slogging it took to get it just-so.

Let us be mindful of this tendency of ours. If we allow ourselves to be distracted by the immediate, big, and splashy, we’ll forget about the Power of Gradual. We’ll cram for the exam the night before instead of reading the text for an hour every day. We’ll go for a big run every week instead of three or four small runs throughout the week. We’ll forget about the effects of eating the same fatty breakfast sandwich every morning …

Remember the Power of Gradual. Remember it in your dark moments when the weight isn’t coming off, when you’re poor, or when you can’t think of a way to write something down. Relax. Keep going. It will come.

via http://zenhabits.net/2009/01/the-power-of-gradual/

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

101 Ways to Live More Spiritually and Purposefully, Everyday

If you value your ability to multitask more than your weekends, or if you look forward to getting sick because it’s the one time you can justify turning off your BlackBerry, you should probably take a moment to examine your goals. Re-prioritizing your life so that you enjoy a more holistically healthy existence doesn’t meant that you have to give up your professional life or goals. In this list, we’ll show you how to live your life more spiritually and sanely, without sacrificing productivity or purpose.

Tips

Make it a point to try out these simple tips each day so that you’re consistently working towards a more balanced life.

  1. Meditate or Pray: No matter what your religion is, or even if you aren’t particularly religious, your mind and mood can benefit from a few minutes of reflection each day.
  2. Set up a regular sleep schedule: You’ll be ready to wake up earlier and will get the most out of your sleeping hours if you do so.
  3. Stop your bad habits: Besides the fact that breaking dangerous or unhealthy habits is good for your health, practicing discipline will help you be more purposeful with your other duties.
  4. Talk about what’s bothering you: Visit a counselor, pastor or friend to talk out your problems, ease anxiety and fell less alone.
  5. Take on responsibility: Whether it’s a plant, a pet, or just owning up to any mistakes you make at work, taking responsibility is good for your integrity and forces you to be there for someone or something else.
  6. Seek out other spiritually-minded people: Surround yourself with moral company who share the same goals as you and can be a good influence on your spiritual journey.
  7. Eat for Energy: Remember to refuel with healthy snacks and meals for a more energetic and productive day.
  8. Tune into your body: Whether it’s through yoga, regular doctor’s visits or going through a detox, take a moment each day to connect your mind and body for a holistic spiritual experience.
  9. Pace yourself: Set small goals for yourself and understand what you’re capable of to avoid getting overwhelmed or sidetracked during your new journey.
  10. Understand that there will be tough times: If you think that just making the decision to be more spiritual and purposeful means that your life is going to be perfect everyday, it’ll be too easy for you to get frustrated. Understand that your new outlook on life will help you get through the tough times, not prevent them.

Blogs to Read

Add these blogs to your RSS so that you can find inspiration and wisdom in your inbox or Google Reader each day.

  1. Beyond Blue: Therese J. Borchard blogs for BeliefNet on the subject of mental health and depression.
  2. Zen Habits: Get all kinds of life hacks, ideas for organization, and inspiring habits to start from this blog.
  3. My Out Spirit: My Out Spirit is a spirituality blog for the gay community and covers topics like lifestyle choices, identity and more.
  4. Psychology Today Blogs: Visit a specific blog or just click on a category to see all relevant posts. Categories range from addiction to relationships to self-help.
  5. Self Help Daily: Learn how to love yourself and do everything better when you read this blog, from relationships to health to fitness.
  6. For God’s Sake, Shut Up!: Brian Kaylor is an Assistant Professor in Communication Studies and aims to help Christians learn how to communicate better.
  7. Text Messages: Patton Dodd writes about Christianity and culture here.
  8. Life is a Journal: This "self help for lazy people" blog is written by Allen Galbraith, a contributer to BBC TV and radio programs. Find tips for getting inspired and making progress in your life.
  9. Slacker Manager: Here you can find tips for being a better partner and manager, in the business world and beyond.
  10. Self-Help Happiness Blog: From lists of motivational songs and TV shows to tips for managing your life more effectively, this blog is a great resource for finding a balance.

Finance and Wealth

Learn how to balance your budget without becoming too consumed with money. These tips and resources will help you keep everything organized and in perspective.

  1. Money Tips from Zen Achievers: Savvy Sugar shares tips for "keeping it simple" in terms of finances and stress.
  2. The Prioritizer: CNN Money’s calculator can help you track your financial goals.
  3. The Correct Way to Pay off Personal Debt: This guide has tips for avoiding the "debt avalanche" and taking responsibility for your debt.
  4. 10 Tips to Make Sure Your Financial Budget Will Succeed: Tips like "put your budget in writing" and "review your budget each month" will help you stay on track.

Work-Life Balance

Achieving a work-life balance is a great struggle for some, but it’s absolutely necessary if you want to have a meaningful life.

  1. Are you a workaholic?: This article can help you stop bad work habits before they spiral out of control.
  2. 5 Tips for Better Work-Life Balance: WebMD helps you figure out a 5-step plan for a mentally and physically healthy work-life balance.
  3. 11 Tips for Nuking Laziness without Becoming a Workaholic: This guide can show you a balance between overachieving and underachieving.
  4. Stop Being a Workaholic: 5 Ways to Keep it in Check: PreventDisease.com explains how being a workaholic can turn into a "futile cycle."
  5. Work-life balance: Ways to restore harmony and reduce stress: The Mayo Clinic’s guide explains why a work-life balance is important and how to achieve it.
  6. 20 Work-Life Balance Tips for the Overworked Entrepreneur: Wendy Piersall can help you re-prioritize your life so that you balance work life and your personal life.

Community Involvement

Life isn’t just about work, school and home. Branch out to meet new friends and give back to the community by following these tips.

  1. Volunteer: Volunteering can help you feel like you’re spending your free time in a purposeful way, and it’s a way to meet new friends.
  2. Take an interest in your children’s activities: Besides being a way to make sure your children are making healthy, safe decisions in their social lives, getting to know their coaches and friends is good for you, too.
  3. Join a spiritual community: Join a church or other spiritual group for social interaction and inspiration to continue your journey.
  4. Idealist.org: Log on to this website to research volunteer and mission projects in your area and around the world.

Charitable Giving

Charitable giving offers lots of fulfilling benefits, including the opportunity to learn about a new culture or community, feel good about doing something for others, and even getting a tax break.

  1. Charity Navigator: Research over 5,300 American charities with this tool.
  2. Share your services: Offer to tutor or donate your company’s free services for a needy organization or individual.
  3. Charity Guide: Search charities by state or country with this tool.
  4. Network for Good: Find charities to donate to or volunteer with through this organization.
  5. JustGive.org: Find charities and in-need organizations by topic here.
  6. Tax Deduction for Charitable Donations: There is nothing wrong with filing a charitable donation with your taxes. Learn more about it here.

Social Guides and Relationships

For tips on finding more meaning in your social life and relationships, turn to this list.

  1. Four Keys to a Spiritual Marriage: This article has tips for couples who want to support each other and connect with each other on a deeper level.
  2. Spiritual Tools for Couples: This article lists benefits of couples who go to church together, including having more friends, enjoying a lower divorce rate, and even having better sex.
  3. 7 Tips for Better Family Communication: Learn how to pay attention to your family members all over again when you read this guide.
  4. The Positive Side of Divorce: Becoming More Spiritual: If you’ve gone through a divorce and are having trouble getting on with your life, read this article for inspiration.
  5. Have friends: It’s easy for even naturally outgoing people to get stuck in a rut and spend too much time working or watching TV. Expand your social network by joining a fitness club or just visiting a neighbor a few times a week.
  6. Helping Kids Cope With Stress: If you’ve been having a stressful week or day, remember that your kids might have been too. Read this article to learn how to tune in to your kids’ stress and help them feel less anxious.
  7. Get a roommate: Living alone is a dream for some, but if you’re getting depressed, consider getting a roommate.
  8. Top 10 Ways to Connect With Your Spouse: This Christian article recommends praying together, leaving love notes, going on dates and sharing common interests.
  9. Why You Should Learn Tantric Sex: Tantric sex can provide a deeper, more intimate connection spiritually and physically.
  10. Spend more time at home: If you’re too busy with social activities, work and errands, make a point to spend more weekends or evenings at home with your family or to pay more attention to yourself.

Spiritual Development

Here are guides and tips devoted to helping you grow spiritually.

  1. 6 Essential Keys to Spiritual Development: Care2’s article offers daily goals to achieve inner harmony, connect with others and more.
  2. The Center for Spiritual Development: This website has lots of resources for anyone curious about religion, psychology and spirituality.
  3. Online Bible: If you’re interested in Christianity, visit this online Bible site for a searchable directory and information about marriage, finance, devotion and more.
  4. Search God’s Word: This website is another resource for learning about the Bible.
  5. Meditation for Beginners: Here you’ll find 20 tips "for quieting the mind."
  6. How to Meditate: 10 Important Tips: Learn how to focus and relax your breathing, eyes, posture, thoughts and more.
  7. Listen to a podcast: Subscribe to or download a podcast about religion and spirituality to add more meaning and inspiration to your day.
  8. Bible.org: Study the Bible with this online tool as a reference guide.
  9. Go to a lecture: Visit a special lecture series at a university or religious center to learn more about a particular ideology, religious group or lifestyle.
  10. Go on a retreat: Sign up for an organized retreat through a church or temple, or send yourself on an individual retreat to focus on your spiritual development.

Goal Trackers

Use these goal trackers to monitor your progress and stay inspired each day.

  1. Joe’s Goals: Use this tool to track anything from exercise progress to how frequently you meditate.
  2. Goalmigo: This fun but basic site makes it easy to set up goals, track your progress, receive reminders and alerts, and even join groups of people with the same goals as you.
  3. We Endure: If your goal is to run a marathon or enter a bike race, then this tracker will keep you on point.
  4. HealtheHuman: Set up your own health profile, keep an online diary and access a calendar and goal tracking tool.
  5. eLIFELIST: This nifty network helps you create a list of goals and share them with a community of committed friends and groups.
  6. Don’t Break the Chain: Don’t Break the Chain is a very simple online calendar that lets you mark off days you took steps to achieving your goal.
  7. SuperViva: Make a life list with SuperViva, which lets you record goals, to-do lists and more.
  8. The Daily Plate: This popular and well-organized site helps those on a mission to lose weight and be more active. You’ll get access to a food journal, fitness log and more.
  9. Mint: Mint is a free finance and budget tracker that helps you find out where all your money goes.
  10. traineo: Use traineo to track health and fitness goals, find motivation and hold yourself accountable.

Social Media

Reach out to others with similar struggles, goals or points of view through these social media sites. You’ll find a sense of community and new groups of friends that will keep you on point.

  1. WebMD Community: This community is for more than just health questions. Find inspiration, information and camaraderie from people going through similar health situations as you.
  2. 3 fat chicks on a diet: Check out this social media site for diet and fitness tips, as well as member blogs that track members’ weight loss journeys.
  3. Care2: Join this group to find out how you can make a difference by petitioning, joining an environmentalist group, donating to a charity and more.
  4. D*I*Y Planner: Join this community to come up with plans to be more healthy, organize your finances, achieve goals and pursue hobbies.
  5. Join a religious social media site: Sites like My Praize are family-friendly networks with chat, web mail, forums, video and more.
  6. Accomplish Life: This self-help community site has channels for relationships, personal growth, spirituality, depression, goal setting, and even financial help.
  7. Join a business networking site: Especially if you’re in charge of your personal brand or company, join a site like LinkedIn to expand your presence online.
  8. SparkPeople: SparkPeople is a weight-loss and healthy lifestyle network that will make you get serious about your plans to be healthy.
  9. Join a Christian dating site: Christian Cafe is just one dating and singles sites for Christians. You’ll meet others who share your morals and beliefs, even in the cutthroat dating world.
  10. Get on Digg: Social bookmarking sites like Digg are a great way for you to quickly find the news stories and lifestyle articles that you’re curious about. You can also make friends with people who are interested in the same things as you and who want to share meaningful stories.

Nature and Environment

Another way to feel more spiritual and connected to the world around you is to spend more time with nature and protect the environment. Through volunteer projects, living an organic lifestyle and understanding how your life impacts nature and other people, you can enjoy a stronger sense of yourself and your purpose.

  1. Grow your own food: Start an organic garden to grow your own vegetables.
  2. Live an organic lifestyle: Go beyond your diet and live an entirely organic lifestyle that infiltrates your beauty regime and home life too.
  3. Recycle: Recycling has been a hot topic for decades, and it’s still vital to preserving the earth and even saving money.
  4. TreeHugger: Start visiting this website to learn about eco-friendly fashion, car and transportation alternatives, technology developments, and more.
  5. Calculate your carbon footprint: Better understand how your life affects the planet when you calculate your carbon footprint.
  6. Make your own cleaning supplies: Make non-toxic cleaning supplies a staple in your home to protect the environment and your family’s health.
  7. Join a community garden: Community gardens provide excellent ways to meet conscientious neighbors, grow your own food and give back to the environment and community.
  8. Things You Should Always Buy Green: If it’s hard for you to adopt a wholly green lifestyle right away, start easy by shopping for eco-friendly versions of light bulbs, paper, paint and other simple items.
  9. Be green at work: Encourage your office mates to go green by sharing these tips for office and eco-friendly living.
  10. Opt for paperless billing: Online billing is good for the environment, cuts down on excess mail, and makes your bill paying routine more efficient.

Health and Well being

Pay attention to your mental health and physical health in order to feel more energized, productive and peaceful.

  1. Feng Shui to Alleviate Anxiety: Consider designing your home or rooms according to feng shui principles in order to ease anxiety and promote good energy.
  2. Schedule regular check ups: Visit the doctor and dentist at least once a year for preventative tests and check ups.
  3. Monitor your weight: Exercise and a good diet keep your weight down and boost your mood, and being overweight can be a risk factor for diseases like diabetes.
  4. Get sunlight: Spend a few minutes a day out in the sun for an instant mood booster and to get Vitamin D. If you’re out longer than 15 or 20 minutes when there’s a high UV index, put on sunscreen.

Tips to be More Efficient

These efficiency tips and tools will help you get more meaning and purpose out of every day.

  1. Make lists: Set up a long-term calendar and short to-do lists for each day to make sure you stay on track.
  2. Limit cell phone and Internet time: BlackBerries and the Internet can be major time savers in one regard, but they’re also a huge drain to your productivity if you let your addiction get out of control.
  3. E-mail smarter: This article has 99 tips for being more efficient and safe with your e-mail habits.
  4. Know which tools help and which ones don’t: This article has suggestions for the most productive Firefox extensions, so don’t waste your time with useless extras.
  5. Business Productivity: This guide has tips for being more productive at work, so that you get the most out of your work day and don’t have to worry about overtime as much.
  6. De-clutter your life: Remove clutter from your home, your mind and your to-do lists for a more positive, relaxed outlook on life.
  7. Avoid multitasking too much: Too much multitasking can leave you feeling unfocused and overwhelmed, and you won’t be able to give 100% to your projects.

via http://www.christiancolleges.com/blog/2009/101-ways-to-live-more-spiritually-and-purposefully-everyday/

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Pursuit of Happiness

Welcome to the happiness frenzy, now peaking at a Barnes & Noble near you: Last year 4,000 books were published on happiness, while a mere 50 books on the topic were released in 2000. The most popular class at Harvard University is about positive psychology, and at least 100 other universities offer similar courses. Happiness workshops for the post-collegiate set abound, and each day "life coaches" promising bliss to potential clients hang out their shingles.

In the late 1990s, psychologist Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania exhorted colleagues to scrutinize optimal moods with the same intensity with which they had for so long studied pathologies: We'd never learn about full human functioning unless we knew as much about mental wellness as we do about mental illness. A new generation of psychologists built up a respectable body of research on positive character traits and happiness-boosting practices. At the same time, developments in neuroscience provided new clues to what makes us happy and what that looks like in the brain. Not to be outdone, behavioral economists piled on research subverting the classical premise that people always make rational choices that increase their well-being. We're lousy at predicting what makes us happy, they found.

It wasn't enough that an array of academic strands came together, sparking a slew of insights into the sunny side of life. Self-appointed experts jumped on the happiness bandwagon. A shallow sea of yellow smiley faces, self-help gurus, and purveyors of kitchen-table wisdom have strip-mined the science, extracted a lot of fool's gold, and stormed the marketplace with guarantees to annihilate your worry, stress, anguish, dejection, and even ennui. Once and for all! All it takes is a little gratitude. Or maybe a lot.

But all is not necessarily well. According to some measures, as a nation we've grown sadder and more anxious during the same years that the happiness movement has flourished; perhaps that's why we've eagerly bought up its offerings. It may be that college students sign up for positive psychology lessons in droves because a full 15 percent of them report being clinically depressed.

There are those who see in the happiness brigade a glib and even dispiriting Pollyanna gloss. So it's not surprising that the happiness movement has unleashed a counterforce, led by a troika of academics. Jerome Wakefield of New York University and Allan Horwitz of Rutgers have penned The Loss of Sadness: How Psychiatry Transformed Normal Sorrow into Depressive Disorder, and Wake Forest University's Eric Wilson has written a defense of melancholy in Against Happiness. They observe that our preoccupation with happiness has come at the cost of sadness, an important feeling that we've tried to banish from our emotional repertoire.

Horwitz laments that young people who are naturally weepy after breakups are often urged to medicate themselves instead of working through their sadness. Wilson fumes that our obsession with happiness amounts to a "craven disregard" for the melancholic perspective that has given rise to our greatest works of art. "The happy man," he writes, "is a hollow man."

Both the happiness and anti-happiness forces actually agree on something important—that we Americans tend to grab superficial quick fixes such as extravagant purchases and fatty foods to subdue any negative feelings that overcome us. Such measures seem to hinge on a belief that constant happiness is somehow our birthright. Indeed, a body of research shows instant indulgences do calm us down—for a few moments. But they leave us poorer, physically unhealthy, and generally more miserable in the long run—and lacking in the real skills to get us out of our rut.

Happiness is not about smiling all of the time. It's not about eliminating bad moods, or trading your Tolstoy-inspired nuance and ambivalence toward people and situations for cheery pronouncements devoid of critical judgment. While the veritable experts lie in different camps and sometimes challenge one another, over the past decade they've together assembled big chunks of the happiness puzzle.

What is happiness? The most useful definition—and it's one agreed upon by neuroscientists, psychiatrists, behavioral economists, positive psychologists, and Buddhist monks—is more like satisfied or content than "happy" in its strict bursting-with-glee sense. It has depth and deliberation to it. It encompasses living a meaningful life, utilizing your gifts and your time, living with thought and purpose.

It's maximized when you also feel part of a community. And when you confront annoyances and crises with grace. It involves a willingness to learn and stretch and grow, which sometimes involves discomfort. It requires acting on life, not merely taking it in. It's not joy, a temporary exhilaration, or even pleasure, that sensual rush—though a steady supply of those feelings course through those who seize each day.

There has been real progress in understanding happiness and how to get it. Here are the greatest hits, as it were, that jump out from the research.

Some People Are Born Happy

Some lucky souls really are born with brighter outlooks than others; they simply see beauty and opportunity where others hone in on flaws and dangers. But those with a more ominous orientation can alter their outlook, at least to a point. They can learn to internally challenge their fearful thoughts and negative assumptions—"she thinks I'm an idiot," "I'm going to get fired," "I'll never be a good mom"—if not eliminate them altogether. Engaging in positive internal dialogue is actually a mark of the mentally healthy.

Getting What You Want Doesn't Bring Lasting Happiness

You think happiness would arrive if you were to win the lottery, or would forever fade away if your home were destroyed in a flood. But human beings are remarkably adaptable. After a variable period of adjustment, we bounce back to our previous level of happiness, no matter what happens to us. (There are some scientifically proven exceptions, notably suffering the unexpected loss of a job or the loss of a spouse. Both events tend to permanently knock people down a notch.)

Our adaptability works in two directions. Because we are so adaptable, points out Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, we quickly get used to many of the accomplishments we strive for in life, such as landing the big job or getting married. Soon after we reach a milestone, we start to feel that something is missing. We begin coveting another worldly possession or eyeing a social advancement. But such an approach keeps us tethered to the "hedonic treadmill," where happiness is always just out of reach, one toy or one notch away. It's possible to get off the treadmill entirely, Lyubomirsky says, by focusing on activities that are dynamic, surprising, and attention-absorbing, and thus less likely to bore us than, say, acquiring shiny stuff.

Pain Is a Part of Happiness

Happiness is not your reward for escaping pain. It demands that you confront negative feelings head-on, without letting them overwhelm you. Russ Harris, a medical doctor-cum-counselor and author of The Happiness Trap, calls popular conceptions of happiness dangerous because they set people up for a "struggle against reality." They don't acknowledge that real life is full of disappointments, loss, and inconveniences. "If you're going to live a rich and meaningful life," Harris says, "you're going to feel a full range of emotions."

The point isn't to limit that palette of feelings. After all, negative states cue us into what we value and what we need to change: Grief for a loved one proves how much we cherish our relationships. Frustration with several jobs in a row is a sign we're in the wrong career. Happiness would be meaningless if not for sadness: Without the contrast of darkness, there is no light.

Mindfulness Brings Happiness

Mindfulness, a mental state of relaxed awareness of the present moment, marked by openness and curiosity toward your feelings rather than judgments of them, is a powerful tool for experiencing happiness when practiced regularly. "If you bring mindfulness to bear on negative feelings, they lose their impact. Just let them be there without struggling against them, and you'll eventually feel less anxiety and depression," Harris says. Don't banish your negative feelings, but don't let them get in the way of your taking productive actions, either.

Happiness Lies in the Chase

Action toward goals other than happiness makes us happy. Though there is a place for vegging out and reading trashy novels, easy pleasures will never light us up the way mastering a new skill or building something from scratch will.

And it's not crossing the finish line that is most rewarding; it's anticipating achieving your goal. University of Wisconsin neuroscientist Richard Davidson has found that working hard toward a goal, and making progress to the point of expecting a goal to be realized, doesn't just activate positive feelings—it also suppresses negative emotions such as fear and depression.

Yes, Money Buys Happiness—At Least Some Money and Some Happiness

Money does buy happiness, but only up to the point where it enables you to live comfortably. Beyond that, more cash doesn't boost your well-being. But generosity brings true joy, so striking it rich could in fact underwrite your happiness—if you were to give your wealth away.

Happiness Is Relative

Whether or not we are keeping up with the Joneses—a nagging thought known as status anxiety—affects how happy we are. Some are more obsessed with status than others, but we're all attuned to how we're doing in life relative to those around us. To stop status worries from gnawing at your happiness, choose your peer group carefully. Owning the smallest mansion in a gated community could make you feel worse off than buying the biggest bungalow in a less affluent neighborhood.

Options Make Us Miserable

We're constantly making decisions, ranging from what to eat for dinner each night to whom we should marry, not to mention all those flavors of ice cream. We base many of our decisions on whether we think a particular preference will increase our well-being. Intuitively, we seem convinced that the more choices we have, the better off we'll ultimately be. But our world of unlimited opportunity imprisons us more than it makes us happy. In what Swarthmore psychologist Barry Schwartz calls "the paradox of choice," facing many possibilities leaves us stressed out—and less satisfied with whatever we do decide. Having too many choices keeps us wondering about all the opportunities missed.

Happiness Is Other People

Positive psychologist Chris Peterson, a professor at the University of Michigan, says the best piece of advice to come out of his field is to make strong personal relationships your priority. Good relationships are buffers against the damaging effects of all of life's inevitable letdowns and setbacks.

Do Your Happiness Homework

You can increase positive feelings by incorporating a few proven practices into your routine. Lyubomirsky suggests you express your gratitude toward someone in a letter or in a weekly journal, visualize the best possible future for yourself once a week, and perform acts of kindness for others on a regular basis to lift your mood in the moment and over time. "Becoming happier takes work, but it may be the most rewarding and fun work you'll ever do," she says.

Happiness Hinges on Your Time Frame

Feeling happy while you carry out your day-to-day activities may not have much to do with how satisfied you feel in general. Time skews our perceptions of happiness. Parents look back warmly on their children's preschool years, for example. But Daniel Kahneman of Princeton University found that childcare tasks rank very low on the list of what makes people happy, below napping and watching TV. And yet, if you were to step back and evaluate a decade of your life, would a spirited stretch of raising children or a steady stream of dozing off on the couch each day in between soap operas illustrate a "happier" time? Evaluate your well-being at the macro as well as the micro level to get the most accurate picture of your own happiness.

You're Wrong About What Will Make You Happy and You're Wrong About What Made You Happy

Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert discovered a deep truth about happiness: Things are almost never as bad—or as good—as we expect them to be. Your promotion will be quite nice, but it won't be a 24-hour parade. Your breakup will be very hard, but also instructive, and maybe even energizing. We are terrible at predicting our future feelings accurately, especially if our predictions are based on our past experiences. The past exists in our memory, after all, and memory is not a reliable recording device: We recall beginnings and endings far more intensely than those long "middles," whether they're eventful or not. So the horrible beginning of your vacation will lead you astray in deciding the best place to go next year.

Gilbert's take-away advice is to forgo your own mental projections. The best predictor of whether you'll enjoy something is whether someone else enjoyed it. So simply ask your friend who went to Mexico if you, too, should go there on vacation.

Happiness Is Embracing Your Natural Coping Style

Not everyone can put on a happy face. Barbara Held, a professor of psychology at Bowdoin College, for one, rails against "the tyranny of the positive attitude." "Looking on the bright side isn't possible for some people and is even counterproductive," she insists. "When you put pressure on people to cope in a way that doesn't fit them, it not only doesn't work, it makes them feel like a failure on top of already feeling bad."

The one-size-fits-all approach to managing emotional life is misguided, agrees Julie Norem, author of The Positive Power of Negative Thinking. In her research, the Wellesley professor of psychology has shown that the defensive pessimism that anxious people feel can be harnessed to help them get things done, which in turn makes them happier. A naturally pessimistic architect, for example, can set low expectations for an upcoming presentation and review all of the bad outcomes that she's imagining, so that she can prepare carefully and increase her chances of success.

Happiness Is Living Your Values

If you aren't living according to your values, you won't be happy, no matter how much you are achieving. Some people, however, aren't even sure what their values are. If you're one of them, Harris has a great question for you: "Imagine I could wave a magic wand to ensure that you would have the approval and admiration of everyone on the planet, forever. What, in that case, would you choose to do with your life?"

Once you've answered honestly, you can start taking steps toward your ideal vision of yourself. You can tape positive affirmations to your mirror, or you can cut up your advice books and turn them into a papier mache project. It doesn't matter, as long as you're living consciously. The state of happiness is not really a state at all. It's an ongoing personal experiment.

via http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4738.html&fromMod=emailed

Monday, January 12, 2009

The time to get started is NOW!!!

Okay I got over my sulking. I just got done watching my beloved Giants play like total amateurs and get thoroughly beat by the Philadelphia Eagles. It was disheartening to see it all end like it did. Yesterday, the Carolina Panthers played the same type of game, thus letting their fans down. Regardless, now the off season begins for both those teams.
A week ago I wrote about having the mindset of an "off season". (read article here) Professional sports has a downtime when games are not played. This time is used by teams to make changes in preparation for the next year. Sadly, in life, we do not get an off season. Instead, we live in a way where one week blends into the next. There is little time to catch up, let alone, plan ahead. We tried to give you a clear plan during the Christmas holiday to make this year different. Unfortunately, for many, that is the best they can do.
We are now in the process of utilizing the off season mindset. For those who took the suggestion in the above mentioned article, you are now preparing for kickoff in the fall. The time between now and then is going to be used to radically alter your life. While we acknowledge that it is impossible to "shut life off", we are going to spend the time necessary to create a life that we desire. Just like an athlete trains during the off season, we are going to work on our skills until our "kickoff".
Again, the time to do that is now. For me, my "off season" started an hour ago. While I mentioned this over a week ago, I failed to heed the advice since my team was still playing. Now, I have no excuses. The countdown to opening day is on. I have little time to waste.
Does this seem hokey to you? How can a simple change in mindset alter the results we achieve? This technique works because it creates a destination. Too often, we live life without any "end dates". Life is an endless cycle. One week blends right into the next. It is as if we are always on the treadmill, never getting anywhere. Our off season gives us the time to dedicate ourselves to creating a life that we want. In doing so, we are acquiring the skills necessary to have a better "next season".
So, my beloved Giants are going to start making the changes to try to get back to the Super Bowl in 2010. They have roughly 54 weeks before that time hits. Management will start to appraise each member of the team to determine roster changes that will be made. Opening day is a little more than 7 months away. It will be here before they know it.

Share and Enjoy!

via http://dennisharting.blogspot.com/2009/01/time-to-get-started-is-now.html